My Small Universe—Limited Power
“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Step 2. The step that almost kept me out of ‘the program’. Myself, just like many of us, had made ourselves the center of our own universe in the addiction. Everything revolved around ourselves. And I mean everything. The addiction was all consuming. It was all powerful. So powerful, in fact, that it dictated our entire universe. Little did we know that the addiction had become our God. The center of our sad, insane universe.
As an addict it was hard to see outside of our small universe. We were stuck inside. The rules of our universe were also different. Insanity ruled where rationality and logic were absent. It seemed as if there was no way out of this tragic existence that we had created for ourselves.
Before attending 12 Step meetings, I knew nothing about them. I had no idea that I would have to believe in a ‘power greater than myself ‘. By the time I showed up to 12 Step beaten down and tired of fighting addiction, I had written ‘God’ off. I claimed Agnosticism. I believed there was no way to prove god’s existence and no way to disprove the existence.
Luckily, I think I left the door open just enough to start warming up to the idea of ‘a power greater than myself’.
The Turning Point: A Power Greater Than Myself
I stumbled upon chapter 4 of Alcoholics Anonymous
— We Agnostics’, which ended up being a life changing reading. I was caught up in the idea that I had to believe certain things about ‘god’. I had an image of an angry, wrathful, punishing, perfectionist who was most certainly sending me straight to hell when I die. Chapter 4 told me that I could come with my own understanding of a power greater than myself. This was so refreshing.
After a couple months of meetings, multiple instances of meditation on a daily basis and countless calls to my sponsor and friends from group, I was finally coming to believe that a power greater than myself could and was restoring me to sanity. As I started to see my life changing 24 hours at a time, was coming to believe more and more that a power greater than myself really could restore me to sanity.
I was forming a new conception of ‘god’. An open, all powerful, yet somehow undefinable higher power that was working in my life. Nature, The Universe. Jesus, The Force, Buddha. Whatever, whomever. this power was doing things previously impossible in my life.
Truly a Power greater than ourselves!